a true story about autonomy
She Declared War On Her Car Seat
Three cars idling behind me, and my daughter locked in a standoff with her own seatbelt.
the realization
The buckle wasn't the problem. She wanted the job, and every time I did it for her she started over. So I stopped taking it away from her and just held it steady while she did it herself.
Three cars waiting behind me. My daughter in the back, going to war with her own seatbelt. The buckle takes me half a second. For her it's a whole expedition, tongue out, both hands, the metal end just missing the slot every single time.
have you ever felt this way too?
I was late. So I did the thing every tired parent does. I reached in and clicked it shut for her. Quick, done, let's go. And she lost it. Screamed, yanked the whole thing open, and started all the way back at the beginning.
So I pushed harder, and she got louder. The more I tried to help, the worse it got. That's when I pulled my hand back. This was her job. She wanted to do it herself. I wasn't going to win by taking it away from her.
I didn't buckle it. I just held the two ends still and lined them up, right where she could reach. Click. Her whole face went bright. And the cars behind me could wait.
what I found myself saying
"You want to do it yourself. Okay. This is your job."
"I'm not going to do it. I'll just hold it still for you."
"Take your time. I've got the ends right here."
